Almost eight months ago on this day, I was sitting at the gates of Jacksonville International Airport waiting to go home to DC after a week-long business trip. To my surprise, the flight was six hours delayed so I decided to watch “Up in the Air” on my iPhone. I was traveling by myself at the time, just like I always do with business trips. Usually I prefer to read or watch movies to kill the time, but this was an unusually long delay. I cannot recall the reason for the delay, and presumably it was caused by a mechanical issue.
If you have not seen the movie, “Up in the Air,” you should definitely see it. The movie engrossed me completely, and I did not realize what a cathartic viewing experience it was. You see, at the time I was traveling about 65% of the time – though not as much as George Clooney’s character did in the movie. I related to almost every aspect of the movie, ranging from the ‘travel etiquette’ to the frequent flier perks that you learn to take advantage of. Yet, the most paramount element in the movie that I quickly identified with was the pure loneliness that came with such a demanding job. Last year was the most challenging work year for me, which also had a domino effect on my relationship with Robert. At the end of “Up in the Air” I sobbed so hard that I called Robert to let him know how miserable I was with my job. The tears were uncontrollable, but it felt SO good to release all that. Honestly up until that moment I had not cried like that in years. I believe the tears were a product of my stressful job, combined with the compounded lonely moments I felt traveling by myself.
What most people don’t realize is that my job demands flexibility, and ritual is the opposite of that. I’ve always favored having structure in my life, but how was I going to be able to accomplish such polarizing tasks? It was not easy that’s for sure. I really enjoyed the traveling aspect of my job in the beginning, but the honeymoon period quickly escaped as the travel demands intensified. It’s almost as if I was falling out of love with the traveling portion of my job. Over the course of the year, I learned to think of every work element as a component of a major ritual, whether it was creating an order for packing things in my suitcase or saying a prayer before and after a flight takeoff. Robert and I also created our own rituals. We always exchange “I love yous” via text messages or phone calls before the plane wheels hit the air. Robert would always show up with Taz at the airport to pick me up when he can. Yet no matter how hard I tried to incorporate these travel routines into a functional structure, I felt like I was not successful in overcoming these obstacles.
People have expressed to me about how glamorous my job is, when they honestly do not realize the constraints and burden associated with it. Living in hotels, packing and unpacking constantly, waking up in a strange place not realizing which city you’re in. These are the perfect examples of how UNsexy a heavy work/travel schedule can be. It’s even more challenging to handle situations like these when you cherish your relationship with a significant other.
As much as I complain about the exhaustion I feel from traveling so much, I appreciate the opportunities that have come my way. I really do! Come on – when else am I going to London, San Diego, or Kenya for ‘free’ (client’s expense)? Believe me, I feel incredibly blessed to have been given such wonderful and rare life experiences. I have never taken these opportunities for granted nor will I in the future. Furthermore, Robert sometimes compensates by using my frequent flyer miles/hotel points for trips to visit me. In fact if it weren’t for the traveling I did in 2010, I would have never been able to capitalize on these perks for our destination wedding.
The magnitude of my travel schedule was scaled down in 2011 fortunately, which I thought would help improve my attitude about my job. I was wrong. There were so many shitty things that happened to my job this year that I cannot let go. Shitty things said and done to me by shitty people. The unpredictable travel schedule is only a diminutive factor in the aggregate evaluation of this job. I’ve reached an impasse in my life now, which means I need to change my approach to the whole problem. I just need to figure out the solution and take a risk in my life before it’s too late. It’s not about staying up later to finish a client project, working harder, or doing more quality work for the company. Something must change….soon.
2 Comments, Comment or Ping
I’m sorry I could not be ‘around’ when you were traveling so much last year, and dealing with the downward aspects of your job this year.
August 23rd, 2011 | 10:24 am EST
Don’t worry about it John! You’ve been across the pond, and there was nothing you could’ve done to make the situation better. Thank you for being a dear friend though!
August 23rd, 2011 | 10:42 pm EST
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