October 12th, 2011 | 11:07 pm EST
Thank my lucky stars
Do you believe in the idea of star-crossed lovers? Romeo and Juliet? Lancelot and Guinevere? I believe in such idea because this happened to me before I met Robert. I realize you’re probably wondering why the hell I’m writing about such experience, considering I am now married. Just wait and continue reading. It is the story of such experience that helps me restore my faith in true love when Robert came into my life.
Star-crossed lovers are those who are brought together through circumstance only to be torn apart by fate. Whether it’s family, distance, time, or moral differences that prevent two people to be joined as one, the theme remains the same. When I think of star-crossed lovers, I think unbridled passion, stupid arguments, and young foolish love. Passion. Isn’t that a word in the dictionary? Doesn’t it mean: a powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger? Isn’t it something that refers to what Romeo and Juliet once had? How many of us have ever felt it? Not many. Remember, I am talking about passion, not lust. People who are passionate love hard, hate hard, and have a joy for living others can only envy.
Whether you are a believer of the concept of star-crossed love, fate is the common thread in any situation. You see – fate can be a terrible or wonderful force to reckon with, depending on the action the person chooses. Even if two people are ill-fated souls, I believe it is their dogged spirits and faith in each other that can really change the outcome of their love story. There’s something so devastatingly beautiful and heartbreaking about two people who are so absolute about their love for one another, but they are forever tortured knowing that they cannot and will not be together.
Before I met Robert, there was one person (let’s called him Mr. X) that meant anything and everything in the world to me. Many nights were spent laughing and crying on the phone spanning an off-and-on long distance relationship, including plenty of ridiculous fights from 2002-2005. God, Mr. X and I were so young – still in college and trying to find our ways and purpose in life. I think chance can be considered as having an opportunity to do different things. Fate may be considered to be the sickness and death that all beings must experience. I do believe in fate to a certain extent because sometimes there are just too many coincidences bringing the right people and the right events and the right situations together to make me believe that it wasn’t a situation of “This is what I’m meant to be doing right here, right now, this is perfect.”
Chemistry is hard to define sizzle between a man and a woman, and it was based upon chance to see if we had that chemistry or not. It’s like bringing together the exposed ends of two live electrical wires and watching the sparks fly. The key to creating and sustaining chemistry is in bringing together the right characters. Mr. X and I had chemistry alright. The first time I laid my eyes on him, I knew I was going to love him until my last breath. Love has NOTHING to do with meeting the ‘right’ one at the ‘right’ time at the ‘right’ place. Love just happens for no reason at all. It was also chance that we lived so far apart from each other — 800+ miles. I truly think that it was fate AND chance that brought Mr. X and me together at that time. However in the end, it was free-will on both our parts to finally be together but also separate from each other forever.
Just like how all star-crossed lovers end up, Mr. X and I did not survive together. It was a combination of a lot of factors that ultimately drove us apart: time, distance, and wrong circumstances. We just knew we were better off without each other. For days, weeks, and months my heart was broken – thinking I could never find a love like that again. For years, I clung on to the belief that I will find a person that completes me and makes me want to be a better person. Then one day I ran across this anonymous quote: “You must not allow yourself to be chained to fate, to be ruled by your genes. In order to survive you must choose life, and then LIVE.” Following this guidance, I chose to live – without Mr. X. Believe it or not, life DOES go on after the chemistry fizzles out. I also chose to grow up and grow out of that foolish mentality that true love ends tragically. Then Robert magically appeared into my life and made me believe in a better life with unrequited love. A simple love. A love that does not require 4293940 moving parts or fights over petty things. A love that is designed and blessed by the love gods. You see, one tragedy led to a happy and unexpected outcome. I was right: I could never find a love like that ever again. Instead, I found a better form of love – one that is sustainable and long-lasting. It was as if the stars are now finally in alignment for Robert and me.
After all, if you love someone you love and embrace everything about that person, from the good, bad, ugly, stinky, dirty, and silly – right…?? Then again I did mention this in my wedding vows: “In good times and in bad, I will be my best for you. With all that I am and all that I have, now and forever.”
